Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Storyteller, Part 3

I knew that I wanted to share our story on our blog because although a lot of you know us personally, a lot of you don't. And even those who know us may not really know the details of what God has done in our lives. So I'm starting at the beginning. Our story is real, raw, and unrehearsed. I hope you read with an open heart.

In September of 2007, we found out we were pregnant with our third child. We were so excited!  Instead of just calling and telling our parents outright, we sent them a bouquet of yellow flowers with a note that said "Congrats on Baby #3!" Our family's were surprised and so happy for us. We went to the doctor for our first ultrasound on a Friday in October.  We went into the ultrasound room and within minutes the technician told us she couldn’t find a heartbeat, and said she was sorry. She walked out to go get my doctor.  I had to go to the bathroom to get dressed after that, and I just broke down in Jeffry’s arms. My heart was broken again. I can't tell you how thankful I was that Jeffry was there with me and that I wasn't alone. I had to have a D&C that Monday so right after we left my doctor we went to the hospital to get my pre-admission forms done. It was one of the longest days of my life. The poor little man who was filling out my forms was making me so irate. He was trying to crack jokes and make light of things when I had just lost my baby. All I wanted to do was crawl in a hole and die. That night was a bad time for me. I wrestled with sleep; all through the night the Holy Spirit was singing in me that “Jesus’ Blood never fails me”. That Sunday, we went to church and I stood in the audience with my husband and my mom. It was so hard but I didn’t know anything to do besides praise my Jesus for whom He is and cling to Him. I’m not going to lie; I struggled with depression over the next month. I tried explaining it to my mom like this, "I felt like I had something on my back, pushing me down, but I never fell completely to my knees. I never fully gave in to it." I really think my battle with depression was a spiritual one. But I had a Savior who said He’d never leave me nor forsake me. He followed through. He carried me again.

It was hard for me to hear that other people got pregnant or had a baby after that. I was so sad about the baby we had lost that we never had the chance to meet. I think was such a shock because I'd had two perfectly normal pregancies with no complications at all. I cried out to God for another baby, and He answered our prayers in February of 2008. Trace was born in November 2008, and as most of you know, he is truly a gift from the Lord.

If it weren’t for Jesus, I wouldn’t be who I am today. If it weren’t for an intimate relationship with Him, I would probably be in a totally different place in my life. But because He has healed and restored my family, I can be real. I can show people who I really am because He has changed me from the inside out. If you don't know Jesus or if you're still unsure if He even exists, please feel free to contact me. I've shared how He has changed my life in the hopes that He will use my story to affect someone else. 

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry for what you went through! I'm so glad you found the peace of Jesus though. What blessings you have!